About “In a Real World…”

Hi Everybody,

I’m going to make this short, because I’ve never read the “Mission Statement” post of anybody else’s blog before, and I’m not real sure I care if anyone reads mine.  It isn’t going to be anything like the actual posts.  It won’t tell you what to expect, what reasons to visit, or why I have to write.  It’s not going to inspire any immediate bookmarks or passionate replies, and when you get right down to it, its purpose will seem vague.

In the end I will come to regard it the way a bridegroom remembers his first girlfriend.

It’s a fine non-representation, though.  It isn’t what it is, does what it’s intended to do without doing anything, and somehow manages to show some character through an embarrassing failure to provide substantial content.  Like a good pop album.  Or Rice Crispies treats.  You know — like life.

Anyhow, before this actually goes somewhere, I’d better run.  I hope you have a good time!  And if not, well, I’m sure there’s a more objective blog somewhere very, very close at hand.  Something on nude celebrities, perhaps.

Pleased to Meet You,

-BothEyes

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14 Comments

  1. Stop by anytime. :)

    Seriously M.

  2. I see your “et cetera” and raise you some italics.

    I’m glad to see I’ve earned a “particularly” and a “surpasses.” :)

  3. I’m with you there on the craft beers!

  4. That which follows lists ten things that make life more beautiful for me, by which I intend to respond to an exceedingly amusing fellow writer.

    I. Reading classic literature

    II. Writing fiction (and now apparently, nonfiction, too)

    III. Looking at, talking to, et cetera with, women (particularly she who surpasses the others)

    IV. Listening to great records on my turntable

    V. Indulging in well-crafted beers, especially whilst under the influence of one or more of the preceding four beauties in life

    VI. Playing games, particularly chess

    VII. Engaging in conversation with excellent talkers

    VIII. Performing music

    IX. Riding a motorcycle

    X. Walking, skiing, surfing, and other athletics (like slam dancing)

  5. Sir

    You have a commendable list, of which I can take little issue.

    Yours Shimmering

    NL

    • Dear Northern Light,

      I’ll buy you a beer the next time you’re in Los Angeles.

      Cheers!

      Yours Truly,

      -Both

  6. Hi, nice to meet you !

  7. Hello,

    I was wondering if you accept guest post for your blog. If you do, I would like to submit a few. You can see a sample of my work at LaptopComputers.org under the author James Mowery. I’ve also written for several high-profile blogs like Mashable, Performancing, and CMSWire. Thank you for your time.

    – James

    • Dear Mr. Mowery,

      Why, of course! Of course you may submit an article for publication on “In a Real World, This Would Be Happening.” I can think of nothing I would rather have here than an article written by an esteemed author of your caliber and clout.

      In the interests of art appreciation, do you suppose you could write about your laptops and desktops and various pieces of hardware in iambic pentameter? Or haiku? Haikus are nice.

      Perhaps you could write it in the style of Hemingway, whereby: “He went to the river. The river was there.”

      Except, of course, your version would sound more like, “He booted the Linux. The Linux was there.”

      I would be forever indebted to receive an article penned entirely in limerick, the sonnet form of my ancestors, which might go something like (and this is just to get you started, see):

      There once was a plug with no socket,
      and the web servers all ’round did mock it,
      ‘Til it oped up its pants
      and held out its proud lance,
      and six USB ports said they’d fock it.

      Just a little something to get your juices flowing, as they say.

      So, yes! By all means, Sir! I do hope you make good on this magnanimous offer. I don’t know how I’ll sleep during the coming week, awaiting with great trepidation the delivery of your submission — which, I assure you, will be accepted, edited, revised, and published almost mostly somewhat exactly as you submit it.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you!

      At Your Service,

      -BothEyes

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